The Results May Vary

Observations from my Mixed Up World

Kinky Cat Games

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Kinky Cat Games

Ginger queries, “Let me see if I get this… so Scruffy is the jail guard and you, Belinda, are the sultry prisoner. What’s sultry mean, again? Anyways, I don’t understand what you did that was bad…”
Scruffy mutters, “Just go away… PLEASE!”

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Party Boy

From time to time, being the father of an aspiring actor makes me look back at how I handled various social situations.  I try to keep in mind that Milo is ten and compare what I was like and how I acted to how he is.  I am noticing more and more that this is a very humbling practice.  I was pretty out going and confident as a kid but but the words to describe me aren’t even on the same page that Milo is classified on.

Here is a fine example.  After the Performance Festival on Saturday, we went to a party hosted by a colleague of my wife.  We knew her and her family but pretty much no one else there.  As soon as we arrived, Milo interrupted my raid on someone’s beer cooler (I’d been unable to bring anything) complaining that he didn’t know anyone.  As I cracked open my newly acquired ice cold craft beer, I said to Milo, “For God’s sake, Milo.  You’re an actor.  You should have no problem meeting new people.  Just get going.”  I wasn’t even a quarter of the way through my beer when I noticed him with a really attractive young girl.  She was grinning like


a fool listening to him chat her up.  It was an odd chance that she was exactly his age, just a foot taller than him, in the same grade and looking for a friend to hang with.  They spent the evening attached at the hip and I was tickled to have Milo run up to me later in the evening to ask me what his cell number was since his new friend really wanted his number.  The bunch of guys that I was socializing with looked at me, looked at Milo and one guy says “Wow.  Your kids is really something.  He is so… confident.”  “Yeah,” I replied, “I plan to get a condom welded on him when he turns twelve.”  We all laughed but I think inside we were all thinking that none of us ever got a girl to ask for our number at his age.

One thing is certain about going to a party with Milo.  He’ll know everyone at the party before you are on your second drink.  People always comment that it freaks them out when he laughs at adult sarcasm and then can give as good as he gets.  I’m almost afraid to take him to New York City.  What are we in for??

(Photo of Milo and new friend sitting on a wall looking at his drama award.)

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Harsh Medicine

I was in the car enjoying some classic rock for a change, when all of a sudden I caught myself agreeing with something said on the John Tesh show.  I’ve been prescribed a steady diet of Ke$ha, Black Eyed Peas and Icona Pop.  The doctor has insisted there can be no music from Paris Hilton’s upcoming album – that is strictly a placebo.  My wife beats me hourly with a picture of John Tesh.  We will fight this battle against aging together.  I can only hope that love will triumph.

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My Unfortunate Dealings with the Tooth Fairy

Milo’s had quite the run on teeth this week.  In fact, he’s lost 3 molar.  And no, his only diet does not consist of toffee, Coke and Count Chocula cereal.  It’s just that time in a boy’s life


when your jaw needs to make room for new chompers.  There is one teeny, tiny problem.  Milo no longer believes in the tooth fairy.  He told me quite frankly not long ago he found it quite suspicious that the tooth fairy stored his old teeth in a decorative container a top his bookshelf.  He also made it known that he doubted the truthfulness of his mother’s insistence that the tooth fairy gave the teeth back to moms to treasure.  Milo has been quite appreciative of the contributions the tooth fairy made to his wallet however and he let it be known that it was fine for that part to continue on.

When the first tooth came out, I was quietly informed that I’d best leave a token beside his bed so his sister didn’t get disillusioned.  There went $2 bucks.

When the second tooth came out, I was reminded that his sister was a true believer and I’d best keep it that way.

When the third tooth came out, he went into my wallet and took out $5 bucks and let me know I was getting off easy if I didn’t want him to wreak everything for his sister and now I didn’t need to get up in the night to hide the money.  He was helping me really save on sleep.  Thanks.

So nice to be blackmailed by the tooth fairy.  Keep dreaming those dreams kids!