The Results May Vary

Observations from my Mixed Up World


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An Unexpected Loyalty Program

I’m note entirely sure where the idea came from, but Maya launched her own loyalty program yesterday. I answered a question from her and was rewarded with a coupon for 100 Maya bucks. Later during the evening while I was watching soccer, Maya asked for a snack. Since I paused the DVR and made her something, I received 1000 Maya bucks for my troubles. Both my wife and Milo are similarly amassing small piles of Maya bucks for various reasons.

When my wife and I inquired about about how we were to use our Maya bucks, we were informed that they can be used to “purchase” various commodities and services from her. In fact, we were told to refer to the program booklet which was quickly written up and provided for our reference. It seems that 100 Maya bucks can be traded for setting the table or having her play in her room for 1/2 hour. Not so bad. 1000 Maya bucks can be used to have Maya undertake a new habit for a week such as putting socks in the laundry basket or putting her lunch box on the counter at the end of the school day. 1000 Maya bucks is not enough incidentally to cover such things as eating her entire supper for a week, cleaning up her whole room once, or to go to the basement alone.

Here is the list of things I’m checking out for the Maya bucks price:

– Putting on a new pair of underwear each day for a week
– Returning my hairbrush to the bathroom each day
– Not singing in the car when her mom is in it (5 minute interval)
– Flushing the toilet after each use for one day
– Keeping a clear path to her bedside each night so I can walk her back to bed without fear of a crippling injury
– Turning down the microphone while she is singing (2 songs)
– Not arguing about which coat/mitts/hat should be worn to school (once, oh God, just once)

Wish me luck in accumulating my fortune.


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What’s Been Goin’ On

If you’ve been wondering where the heck I’ve been and what the heck I’ve been doing… well, you’re not alone.  I can’t believe that it is July 17th already.  What happened to all that time?

Transitioning from school days to summer daze hasn’t been smooth around here.  For the past 10 years, we’ve launched off on vacation as soon as the school bell stopped ringing.  This time we’ve been taking a more measured approach and we leave for various parts in two days.  Milo and Maya have been working on their arguing skills.  They’ve moved from their Master’s level studies and are well on the way to their Doctorates.  It’s been such a delight to watch them develop new and improved ways to irritate each other… I didn’t know there were special techniques for car, hot tub, TV watching and for during washroom use.  My wife and I have started to carry cards with numbers from 1 to 10 so that we can score each effort.  Oh yeah, we’ve taught the kids how to pour drinks for us.  It may just save their lives.

We’ve been getting Milo ready to compete in New York City at the International Modeling and Talent Association show.  This has meant finding a new singing teacher and working to nail down monologues, commercials and sitcom scripts.  I really appreciated the part where the new music teacher mentioned to Milo that he really ought to explore some dance like ballet and the little bastard smiled at her sweetly and told her that it was his life’s wish to learn ballet.  Oh, I almost fell down the stairs since we’d been trying to convince him to enroll in some dance to no avail.  So of course, off we went to find a ballet teacher… and who can justify putting their son in ballet and deny their 7 year old princess… so that meant both kids.  Ouch, that hurt the wallet.

Milo’s acting coaches have been after him to feel more emotion during his monologue.  He’s doing a piece from Hansel and Gretel and can’t seem to channel the horror that a kid would feel abandoned in the woods for the second time by his father.  I’ve almost been forced to blindfold him and drop him off somewhere!  Finally last night we had a break through when I frustrated him to the point of tears and then made him channel the emotion into his monologue.  My wife’s stress level is looking like a meniscus.  One more lost email, undelivered photograph, new demand for audio files slightly different from yesterday’s file etc, etc, and etc then BANG, she’s a gonna blow.

Only two more days of prep and then the die is cast.  I’ll be blogging from the Big Apple next.  Pray for our sanity and some success too.


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Saving Bunnies

While Maya and I had breakfast this morning, we were interrupted by the screaming of an animal in agony.  Leaping up and racing out to the back patio, we saw Riley with a baby bunny in his mouth.  To be specific, Riley had the poor lapine by the nuts.  It was dangling head down from his jaws with both back legs sticking up on either side of his head screaming like the damned.  I was so proud of Maya, she didn’t freak out or go crazy.  She just stared at natural selection going on 3 feet in front of her.  On the other hand, I lurched out the door in my underwear to chase the freakin’ cat and save poor Thumper.  Riley immediately realized that his triumph was about to be taken from him.  He bolted.  I directed Maya to circle around and cut off his escape route.  She bravely assisted in cornering the carnivorous cat and I was able to grab him and begin applying the jaws of life to his teeth.  I was relieved to see poor little Thumper race from the yard, under the fence and as far as I can figure, over the US border.  It was only then that Maya started to cry.  “Don’t worry, love.”  I said. “You were a hero.  We saved that bunny’s life.”

Later on the way to work, I thought, “Shit, I should have taken a picture first.”  But then I realized what an asshole that would make me and was pleased that I had no photo to offer on this post.