Well, one week into the new school year and I am already asking myself what was I looking forward to? I love our free public education system. But I ask myself, “How come it cost me 20 bucks/kid for the milk program, another 5 bucks/kid for agendas and a host of other small expenses for binders, dividers, erasers, kleenex and ziploc bags. One week in, one extra mortgage payment forgotten. I helped my wife move into a new classroom and we discovered enough wooden stir sticks to supply the entire Republican convention. I wonder how many generations of students carried box after box in to the teacher at the beginning of a new year to create this treasure trove. Were they disappointed at the end of the year when they hadn’t ever used a single one??
Regardless, it is Sunday night and I am facing one of my least favourite jobs. Making lunches for everyone sucks! Each person in my family requires a special selection of entrees and snacks that is completely different from everyone else. Shopping becomes a nightmare. My dread at opening each lunch bag at the end of the day is palpable. Who will I have offended today?
Let me share the rules of lunch for each person:
Milo – 1 sandwich (ham, mayo, lettuce, no cheese), juice box (no apple, would really prefer coke), veggies (carrots maybe, no cucumber, absolutely no tomatoes – “am I trying to kill him?”, sometimes red pepper but sometimes not), vanilla pudding (not chocolate crap like his sister likes) crackers (prefers melba toast or square saltines, no flavours)
Maya – 1/2 sandwich (ham, very light mayo “or else”, lettuce, cheese), juice box (anything is ok), apple sauce or chocolate pudding (definitely not the vanilla shit her brother takes), veggies (cucumber, sometimes carrots, tomatoes “my very favourite”)
My Wife – left overs (but not if we have eaten them two days in a row, only if they are pre-cut into bite sized pieces and different foods should not migrate during reheating), juice box (just like her son – no apple), a napkin (because the public education system napkins are like sandpaper) and metal utensils not plastic – AND AS HAS BEEN POINTED OUT JUST NOW AT EDITING – vanilla pudding not that chocolate shit.
Me – usually nothing, sometimes a coffee if I can steal a K-Cup from a co-worker, very occasionally a sandwich but most of my lunches resemble something from a nightmare (eg: a tin of sardines, an old peach and a Coke Zero – funny no visitors after lunch)
Happy back to school everyone.