The Results May Vary

Observations from my Mixed Up World


Axiom: Let sleeping children sleep. Note: they are not committed to returning the favour!

Last night on the way home from swimming lessons, Maya fell asleep in the car.  It’s not my fault.  Just because I had the car really warm and that I drove to some extra places on the way home and the vibrations from the car were just right, there is no reason to think that  I may have encouraged it.  We really did need to visit the store that sells patience and hope to parents.

So there I was, home at 6:15pm and Maya is dead asleep in the car.  So I took her into the house and manhandled her into pajamas.  Then I laid her head gently to rest on her pillow and settled in for a nice, one-child evening of watching Survivor.  Once Milo was asleep, we settled into bed ourselves, perhaps entertained ourselves a bit and the night was over.  In theory, that is.

1:15am    – the pitter-patter of small feet wakes me up.  I can’t believe it’s morning already.  Nope.  Maya is too hot to sleep.  Fix her up by reducing the blankets and laying with her for 20 minutes.

2:22am   – “Dad, I can’t sleep in my bed anymore.”  The fact that I wake up is the only clue that I have  that I actually fell back to sleep. Take Maya back to her room, relocate the cat that is purring too loudly from her pillow and lay with her for another 20 minutes.

5:18am   – The icy cold hand touching my neck rips me from deep sleep.  I’ve clearly been dreaming something creepy because I scream in terror.  Loudly.  With my heart pounding in my ears, I launch into a half-hysterical lecture that no, it is still five O-fucking-a clock in the morning and it is not time to eat, nor time to watch tv, not even time to pee.  But it IS time to be asleep.  March Maya back to her room, find the appropriate amount of stuffed animals, move the cat – who is now purring just right apparently – back to the pillow and lay with her for 20 minutes.

6:20am  – accept the fact that I may as well make breakfast and pack the day’s lunches since there is only 10 minutes left before the alarm.  Vow to myself that if she falls asleep in the car tonight I will form a one man orchestra and march around her with drums, kazoos and her ukulele playing Good Day Sunshine as loudly as possible.

Where can I buy a bull horn?