The Results May Vary

Observations from my Mixed Up World


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Dear Hostile Soccer Father…

Dear Sir, (I use the term loosely)

I’d like to express to you how little I appreciated how at today’s game you stormed up to me at half time and started yelling at me in front of the kids and parents.  The way you thrust your brawny chest into my face and looked down at me through your manly mirrored sunglasses was rather threatening and something that belongs in a prison yard not a soccer field.  I am well aware that it is disappointing when your child sits out two rotations during a game.  Of course, since I am rotating the kids about every 4 – 6 minutes, I doubt that I inflicted any lasting psychological damage on her.  In fact, I rather like her and think she is a good player.  Unfortunately, when she refused to go on the field and play in goal, I was forced to make some extremely quick on-the-fly changes and didn’t feel that the other 11 kids on our team plus the 12 kids on the opposing team should be forced to wait while I adjust to the fact that she didn’t want to be a team player.  The fact that this is the 12th of 13 games this season and it is the first time you’ve felt the need to bully me; well it makes me think that up until now I’ve done a pretty good job.  In case you were unaware, I am a volunteer and no one else on the team felt willing to step up and either coach or help me out.  You may be ignorant of the fact that managing 12 excited 8 year old kids without any assistance is no small feat.  On professional teams, which I figure you think your kid must be on, there is a whole crew to keep everything going along smoothly.  Here in house league… there is no such entourage.

In closing, I’d like to encourage you to step up and do something to help the team and not stand at the side line feeling superior and pointing out things you don’t like.

Sincerely, Coach Civil Servant Dad


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U-6 Niagara Sky Blue vs. U-6 Niagara Orange

Under-dog Sky Blue soccer team sliced the division leader Orange team tonight in a humiliating 7-3 defeat.  Sky Blue had been forced to play a double header today and had been frustrated by 2nd ranked U-6 Maroon earlier in a 2 – nil defeat.  Sky Blue’s victory was led by Twin Boy #1 who scored a crushing 4 goals and assisted by Twin Boy #2 who had his own 2 goals.  In a surprising twist, Tall Quiet Goalie gave up his usual spot and scored the final goal.  Twin Girl #1 and #2 shared goal tending duties and maintained good focus while most of the action was in the opposition’s half.  The score was nearly 8 – 3 but #7 Girl with the Same Name as Twin Boy #2 missed a penalty chance.  She did however put in a fantastic effort defending against her counter part Orange’s #7 Really Fast Girl.  Really Fast Girl was held to a single Orange goal tonight and was openly frustrated almost earning a yellow card for pushing.  Sky Blue’s #10 Coach’s daughter (Maya) assisted on several goals and unfortunately was taken off in the final minutes of the game after turning her ankle.  She will miss no future games and was healed by the promise of some chips when she got home.  Notable mentions go out to Sky Blue’s 8 inches Shorter Than The Other Kids Girl and Equally Short But Fast Boy for playing a strong pressing game against the opposing relative giants.  Sky Blue Coach (Me) is super pleased with today’s outcome and equally pleased that he didn’t need the defibrillator after running the pitch for 2 consecutive games.

I love coaching kids soccer.